I pray for this, so why not kill myself?

The material in I pray for this, so why not kill myself?, my eighteenth chapbook, was written on 2025 April 30 (the first poem, “I pray for this”) and on 2026 March 15 (the second poem, “, so why not kill myself?”). I wrote it partly as a response to looking through my archives and finding the poem “I pray for this”, dated 2025 April 30. It is essentially a catalogue of reasons, or justifications, for suicide and misery. The second poem, “, so why not kill myself?”, was an attempt to answer the question of why I’m still alive.

“, so why not kill myself?” was also partly inspired by Albert Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus, namely its first sentence:

There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.

Despite the subject ultimately being suicide, I would say I pray for this, so why not kill myself? is ultimately life-affirming.

Due to the particularly graphic language, i.e. countering the thing in itself, whatever it may be, such as sex, digressions about death, etc., I have not yet published it here.